So you want a mentor because you heard that's a good idea, but is it? And if it is, how do you find the right one who's going to add value to your life and not lead you astray? Today, I'm going to share with you my experience working with mentors, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I have a crazy story that's going to shock you and probably make you giggle a little bit. So get ready because I've never shared it before. This episode is dedicated to Michelle.

Michelle, thanks for reaching out on LinkedIn. She DM'd me and she asked me, how do you find the right mentor and what skills should I be developing right now to prepare for the future? So that's my plan. That's what I'm going to cover.

So let's go ahead and jump in now. The first thing you need to recognize when it comes to mentorship, there's a big difference between advice and counsel. So think about that. What's the difference between advice and counsel? Because oftentimes we'll interchange these words and we'll treat them as the same thing, but there's a super important distinction here. Now, here's the thing. I don't know about you, but I have a lot of friends and people around me who would love to give me advice and they love to give everybody advice, but here's the problem with advice. And I'm going to compare that to counsel. Advice is all about going to somebody and based on their experience, they're going to tell you what you should do based on what they've done and what they've gone through. And they're going to say something like, if I were in your shoes, this is what I would do. Or when I was going through my divorce, this is what I ended up doing. So you should do the same thing. And you can tell it's advice because they're going to say, should a lot. You should do this. You should do that. And they're trying to be helpful. Most people don't have bad intentions, but you have to be really careful because it's like what's motivating them to give you this advice. But here's why it doesn't work. You can have the same exact person live in the same exact neighborhood. I mean, heck, it could be the same exact person living in the same exact house as somebody else and their experiences are going to be completely different. You could probably agree with me. Like tell me if this resonates with you in your family, you may have, you know, four different siblings for me. I have six siblings and we're all so different. We all have different ways. We think about money. Even though we were taught the same principles, we grew up pretty much the same and we had similar experiences and even our family isn't necessarily aligned. So think about that. Somebody's coming to you and they're giving advice to you based on what worked for them. But that was a unique time, a unique situation. They have different personality traits, different attributes. No two set of circumstances are the same.

So how's that ever going to work? If I went to you and said, Hey, look, I was out of shape, which I was, I was totally overweight. And in order to get in the shape that I wanted to be, and in order to get the body that I wanted, I started to run and you should do the same because it worked for me. I dropped all this weight, true story, dropped all this weight. I got a six pack and bam, there you go. So you should do that. But you may live in an area where you can't run. Maybe there's no sidewalks. Maybe there are a bunch of wild dogs and you don't want to run and get bit. Maybe you have problems with your ankles or your knees, or maybe you hate running. Maybe there's something else that would work for you like swimming or cycling. But for me to come to you and say, you should do this. You should run because that's what I did. And that's what worked for me. I have a different body type. I have different interests. I have all these different things, all these different circumstances that aren't going to work for you.

I mean, it's funny when I lived in Chattanooga, when I took the CFO job, I moved to Chattanooga and we lived in this great neighborhood and there were sidewalks in our neighborhood, but then outside of our neighborhood, there's no sidewalks in Chattanooga. It's crazy. I mean, maybe in some parts of Chattanooga, I'm being a little dramatic, but I remember running down this road, this rural road, there wasn't even a shoulder. Seriously, the line, like the edge of the street, the edge of the road, rather, it was sprayed right up to the edge of the asphalt. And then it oftentimes just dropped off into a little gully.

So I remember running on this road and it was like four or five in the morning and cars would be like coming towards me and I'd have to like pause and get in the bushes and then they'd pass and then I'd continue running. I'm like, oh my gosh, do not get hit. I definitely run into traffic so I could see at least cars coming. And then I'd make it to a sidewalk and I'd run along the sidewalk to the mall. So there's a sidewalk going all the way to the mall and that's like a two mile stretch. But I could tell you there's like no good trails to run near my house. I could get in my car and run in the boonies. There's a lot of like outdoor trails, but nonetheless, my circumstances are different from somebody else who lives in Boulder and there's tons of trails all around their house and they all connect or whatever it may be.

So that's what I'm saying here is that advice is when somebody comes at you from their perspective and they tell you what you should do based on their experience. Just by that definition, can't you see how it's flawed? Okay. If this is making sense to you, leave me a comment down below. Like, what do you think? Is this resonating? Are you like, yeah, Steve, I agree. Or are you like, okay, I already disagree with you just so you can tell me.

Then there's counsel. Counsel is when somebody goes to you and they prompt questions, they ask you questions, they make you think about things so you can come up with your own conclusion. It may sound something like this. Hey, when I was going through a divorce, these are a few things that I tried. What have you tried? What's worked well? What hasn't worked well? What have you thought of? And they're asking questions and they're not saying you should do this or you should do that.

So I always like to find mentors who are going to give counsel. Now, every once in a while, advice is good. Sometimes you need to be kicked in the pants and somebody needs to tell you, you need to do this. You need to get your life in order. You need to stop doing that. Okay, that's fine. But for the most part, I don't want somebody telling me you should do this. You should do that based on my experience. Cause I'm like, I'm not you. I don't want to be you. My life is totally different. So that's where you have to be careful with mentors. Okay. That's number one.

Number two. Okay. And then I'm going to share with you a crazy story when it comes to finding mentors. Just don't be a weirdo. So many people are weird, right? They try to make this formalized agreement or arrangement with a mentor. It could be as simple as going to somebody and saying, hey, I have a lot of respect for you. I really admire you. I was wondering, can we meet once a year for lunch or once a quarter? Or can I hop on a phone call with you every once in a while, whatever it may be. It doesn't have to be this formal agreement where like, I'm going to send over a term sheet, we're going to meet every single week, whatever it may be. Like, don't make it so taxing on them that it's easy for them to say no. So make it just really easy.

And sometimes mentorship isn't this extended contract or extended period of time. I have some people that I meet up with once a year or once every few years, and that's fine. That's mentorship to me. It doesn't have to be every single week. So just be aware of that. That's super critical. Okay. So that's how you find a mentor. You just reach out. Maybe somebody can connect you. Maybe it's a referral. Just start with your inner circle.

And one thing you do, I like the number 33. Three's my lucky number. So I created this list years ago. It was my list of 33. And I just thought of, okay, who are all the people who are in my space who I can meet with and get counsel from? And so I made this list and then I just started reaching out to people. I could tell you some people ignored me. Some people didn't respond to my messages. It still happens to this day.

If you haven't caught my episode that I just put out on my podcast, Boosting Your Financial IQ, where I talk about why I would never want to be a partner in an accounting firm, it explains this very point. But nonetheless, reach out to people. You may get some no's. You may not hear back from anybody. They may ghost you, but then you're going to find some people. And then when you meet with them and you have a really good conversation and it goes well, make sure you follow through. That's the biggest thing. Follow through and follow up with them.

So if they say, hey, you know, you can check out these tools or check out this or this or that, follow through if it's a good idea. And then follow back up with them and say, hey, I really liked that course you recommended or I liked that book you told me about. I read it. I really liked the end, the last chapter where it talked about blah blah blah, and then give them that feedback so they're like, okay, this person's not wasting my time. That's really key.

I can't tell you how many people I've met with before who reach out to me and they're like, hey Steve, can we just hop on a call? And sometimes I can make it work. I wish I could talk to everybody. I just don't have the time. But I will reach out to them and I'll provide some basic recommendations and I don't expect everybody to follow like every single thing I say, but they never follow through. And then they come back to me and I'm like, did you read that book? And they're like, no. I'm like, okay, well everything you need to know is in that book. Why didn't you read that book? Did you follow through? Did you take that course? No. Okay. So we're just wasting time. And then, you know, I end the relationship. I stop mentoring them.

The other thing is one time, this isn't my crazy story — I'm going to get to my crazy story here, trust me, you're going to want to stick around for this. The other thing is I went to this guy, I knew him really well. He's one of my clients back in the day when I was doing landscaping. He spent a lot of money with me. We had several lunches together, and my business was growing, and he had experience doing what I wanted to do. He did kind of like an equity roll-up.

I remember having lunch with him and I was like, hey, is there any way you can mentor me? And he looked at me and he's like, no. And I thought he was kidding. I was like, oh really? Like, no? And he's like, no, I can't. He's like, Steve, I'm too much of a control freak. So I just want to come in and try to take control. So yeah, it's not going to work. And that was it. It's kind of weird. It was kind of awkward for the rest of the lunch. But nonetheless, I was like, okay, well, I appreciate your honesty.

So sometimes if somebody says no, just respect it and move on. There are so many people out there who can add a lot of value to you.

Okay, what about the people who may not add value to you and who may lead you astray? This is really important. I'm going to keep the details pretty vague because if this person ever listens to it, I don't want to embarrass them. I had a lot of respect for this professor. I knew this professor and I was like, wow, what they're doing in my world, like in my space, like where I'm building my business, is incredible. It's so aligned. And I was like, I love their thinking. That's where I want to be.

He's telling me about how he had several houses across the U.S. in areas where I'm like, I would love to have a house in the mountains, and I would love to have a house in that exact town, in fact. And it wasn't that I was trying to copy him. He’s older than me — a couple decades older than me — and he had done what I thought I wanted to do in life. I was like, this is the perfect mentor. I ended up paying him, right? So I'd pay him an hourly rate because I wanted to compensate him. That was just me. A lot of mentors will do it for free.

So here I am, so excited that he agreed to mentor me. We’d have these meetings and it was all over the phone. This was before Zoom was really popular. I’d hop on a call and talk to him about my business. I’d take notes while he was talking, just soaking in everything he said, then I’d go execute. Then I’d follow back up and share the exciting news. And I just felt like this was going really well.

Then I started to recognize something. Every time we were on the phone, I would hear this noise in the background. I can’t even really do it justice, but it was like a ding. It sounded like he was opening and closing windows on his computer. And this happened consistently. I didn’t think much of it at first. I figured maybe he was researching or following along as I talked about my business.

Then one day, we get to the end of the call. I say, “Alright, great. I look forward to catching up next time.” He says, “Great, yeah, same here.” I put my phone down on my desk, face down, and start typing, jumping into my next task. Then I hear this noise. At first I think it’s coming from next door because the walls in our office were kind of thin.

Then I realize it’s coming from my phone. I pick it up and put it to my ear — and realize I never hung up. I’m just listening and I hear: “Oh baby, yeah baby. Oh yeah.” I was like, what the heck? Is this guy watching porn? And then the light bulb went on and I realized he was. He had been watching porn the whole time he was mentoring me.

How messed up is that? How sick is that? I mean, that’s crazy, right? I didn’t say anything. I just quickly hung up the phone. I felt sick to my stomach. I was so disappointed and so devastated. Here's this guy I had a ton of respect for. Somebody I aspired to be like. And look, I’m no respecter of men — it's not like I idolize people. The only two people I really want to be like are Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. But I had respect for this guy.

And this was just disgusting. We were on a business call. I was seeking his guidance. And he’s watching porn and doing who knows what while I’m talking about my goals. That’s just wrong. And it totally changed the way I looked at mentorship — even to this day.

Fast forward a couple of years later, and I came across this article. It talked about how, as human beings, we often look horizontally to people around us for mentorship — when really we should be looking above. The Creator of this universe knows us best. That really clicked for me. I realized I needed to double down on prayer and on seeking revelation and inspiration for my own life. And who better to guide me than God?

I still believe in mentors. Mentors can be great. I have a lot of good people around me. In fact, I think I mentioned in a previous episode that I just started jiu-jitsu. I'm a white belt. Not to brag — I’m such a rookie. Seriously, I’m awkward on the mat, I don’t know the moves, I get my butt kicked all the time. But I’m around a great community.

The person who owns the school — his name’s Robert — I’ve been doing some one-on-ones with him. I have a lot of respect for him. He teaches me jiu-jitsu, but also life. I treat that as mentorship. Even though I’ve never said, “Hey Robert, will you be my mentor?” — I look up to him in some ways. That’s great.

Maybe there are people in your life like that. They don’t have the title of mentor, but they’re a positive influence. Maybe it’s just a lunch every once in a while or a phone call. That’s mentorship too. So don’t overcomplicate it.

There are good mentors and there are bad ones. Bad mentors are the ones who tell you what you should do and act like their way is the only way. That’s just not true. And if you leave a conversation with someone and you don’t feel good, excited, or built up — that might be your answer right there. If it’s not a “heck yes,” it’s a no. That’s the mantra I live by.

The last thing I’ll say to answer Michelle’s question relates to building skills. When it comes to finance, I’ll tell you when the light bulb really went on for me. I was in class and we were building a discounted cash flow model. If you don’t know what that is, look it up. If you’re in my free Financial Pro program, I walk through a DCF model in there — you can check that out. But it’s also easy to Google.

It’s a very common type of model in the finance world. I remember sitting there, adjusting inputs — revenue growth, cost of goods sold — and watching how it changed the value of the business. I was like, wait a second. You’re telling me if I go into a real business and improve these levers — grow revenue, tighten margins — I could increase the value by two to three million bucks? I’m in. That was the moment it clicked for me.

So one of the most powerful skills you can build in finance is understanding how to read and interpret the income statement, balance sheet, and statement of cash flows. And then, learn how to build and use a discounted cash flow model. It sounds nerdy, I know, but it’s insanely valuable — especially if you want to buy, build, or sell businesses.

On top of that, develop strong communication and writing skills. They’re massively underrated. And learn sales and marketing. If you can’t sell, it doesn’t matter how good you are at finance — you won’t have anything to analyze or manage if you can’t generate revenue. And it starts with selling yourself.

So go out there. Have enough respect for yourself to find mentors who build you up and help you reach your greatest potential. Michelle, I hope this answered your question. Let me know what you think.

If you’re listening and this resonated, drop a comment or DM me on LinkedIn. That’s the best way to reach me. I try to respond to everyone.

I’ll see you in the next episode. Cheers.